The First Date After Divorce: Laws to Live By
When you begin dating again, remember these basic rules of survival:
Meet at venues where you can have a conversation. Don't meet at a noisy place, or a place where you can't talk. The idea is to get to know the person. Try meeting at a cafe or museum. Don't rule out meeting for breakfast or lunch.
Dress appropriately. You want to look and feel your best on a date. Dress appropriately for the meeting location. If you're going bowling, for example, don't wear a dress.
Don't talk about your ex. Misery may love company, but try to avoid using your date as a therapist. The purpose of the first date is discovery. If you can't find anything else to talk about, you're not ready to date.
Be yourself and follow your intuition. Don't try to be someone you think your date wants you to be. If your date is not the right person for you, you'll know it. Don't continue to date someone who isn't right for you.
Smile. Smiling sends the message that you're a happy, friendly person. And research shows that even if you're unhappy, smiling can change your mood. The more you smile, the happier you will be. The happier you are, the more fun you will have on your dates!
Dating When You Have Children
Making the transition from parent mode to date mode can be a challenge. Just remember that many single parents have fulfilling social lives and you can, too. Here are some basic rules for dating when you have children:
Be honest. Don't hide the fact that you have children and be clear that it's a package deal, says Dr. Ellen Kreidman. But do not overdo it, especially on the first date. Keep your romantic life separate from your family life until you know you're ready to introduce your new love interest to your kids.
You don't need permission. Your children may have a hard time adapting at first, but you don't need their permission to date. Tell your children who you are going out with, but don't discuss the details with them when you return.
It's OK to recognize your own sexual needs. If you are involved in a sexual relationship, limit the encounters to times when your ex has the kids. Do not have sex in your house if the kids are there or could come home.
Introduce your children slowly. When you're ready to introduce your boyfriend or girlfriend to your children, do so slowly and on neutral ground. Tell them you would very much like them to meet the person you have been seeing. Select a short activity such as lunch at a restaurant.
You don't need to build a relationship with everyone you date. If the person's not right for any reason, it's OK. Move on until you find someone who feels right. Dr. Kreidman says when you care for your emotional self in this way, you also teach your children how to become healthy, happy adults.
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